oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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