how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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