Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize