so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
