yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize