you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
