Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
