The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
