im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
