The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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