i can't believe i had my finger in that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
