I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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