i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
