How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
