I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
