I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
