I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
