how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
