Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
