thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
