i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
