I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
