So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
