the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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