you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
