Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
