her vagine was all disorganized.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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