This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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