I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
