I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
