I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
