I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Boobs speak an international language.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
