just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Im part way to drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
