My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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