i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
