It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
