Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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