I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
