Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
