sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
