508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
