"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
