did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
