you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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