Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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