The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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