I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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