im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dignity is for republicans.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
