somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
