My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
