And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
