i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
