new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
