Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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