come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
