we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
be right there i have to get my cape
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