I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
