we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
