One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
