We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
