There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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