You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
