youre lurking in front of me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize