it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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