Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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