you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
