he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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