oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
