we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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