Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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