Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
