420 ftw
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
