Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were destined to go to rehab together
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
