I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
