I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
honey bunches of taint.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
