Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize