I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
