Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
