You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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