but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
