You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize