maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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