Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
