Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm both gender and math confused
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
