Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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