Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
