absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
