wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
