You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
