Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
