All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
