Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
