It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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