ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
